Why Does My Personality Give Me Such A Hard Time?

Dear Readers


Those of you who have been following my weekly blogs, will have got to know a little bit about me by now and I thank you for taking the time to do that. You may have read last week about my wonderful childhood of which I have many happy memories, and also of the severe Vertigo that has dominated my life for this past year. This week, I would like to "fill in the gap" between my childhood and adulthood, because somewhere in that space, something very strange happened to me - my personality underwent a transformation into something not very nice !!!!


Please don't panic, or feel the need to immediately dial 999! By, something not very nice, I mean not very nice FOR ME!   I have, what I now realise, is a strong Type A personality, as opposed to a Type B personality, and this has caused me more problems than I can tell you. Type A? Type B?  I hear you say ....please allow me to explain .... here comes some info!


We all think our personalities are pretty unique and to a large extent that's true, however the way we behave can be very simply classified into two groups Type A and Type B. If you don't know which group you belong to, there are lots of tests you can do, but just to give you the general idea here are some typical types of behaviour:


Which side would best describe you?

Side 1	Side 2
I am always bang on time!	I am quite laid back about time
I always finish peoples sentences	I listen to people calmly
I'm very ambitious	I'm satisfied with my work life
I'm passionate about everything	I'm reserved and keep my feelings inside
I multitask and get things done!	I do things slowly and think what to do next
I am impatient	I have patience
I am very competitive	I don't feel the need to compete

In a nutshell, Side 1 shows the types of behaviour a person with Type A would generally exhibit and Side 2, Type B. The reason it is good to know just how much of type A or B we have in us, is because we can use this information to change that behaviour if and WHEN it starts causing us problems.


I discovered a while ago that I was very strongly  a Type A person . People like me are great !We work really hard because we're so diligent . We always do very well because we're soooo ambitious. We make great leaders because we lead from the front and by example . We always get things done before time never mind on time ! We work around the clock because we don't have time to feel tired. We never let people down - you can ALWAYS count on us ! Everyone loves us . We're the first to arrive and the last one to leave any occasion - we'll do all the cooking  and washing up ! We're absolutely bloomin  marvelous !!! That is .......Until we CRASH!!!!


And BOY DO WE CRASH ! Type A people will basically push and push and push themselves until they are with in an inch of their lives and only then will they drop. We will basically keep going when everyone else has packed up and  gone home for the holidays . We carry the world on our backs and even then ask for more work because we don't know when enough is enough . We are such perfectionists, that we'll go to the nth degree to make sure we get whatever we're doing "just right" and we'll keep trying until we do, even if it takes a lifetime .We keep absorbing more and more pressure and telling ourselves we can cope even when all the warning signs have started FLASHING!


For this reason, Type A people are their own worst enemy. We don't know when to STOP. We can't say NO ! We are so afraid of failing, of disappointing that we'd rather do damage to ourselves than upset others.
Unfortunately , though it all sounds very noble and very commendable, being like this is very harmful indeed. This type of behaviour and attitude to life leads to a great deal of stress . People with Type B personalities, suffer from and cope so much better with stress and life in general and therefore have fewer stress related illnesses as a result.


My battles with stress started as far back as my student days at University, I actually still have nightmares that I have finals to sit and have forgotten to revise! Stress just became a part of my life and I didn't even realise it . I didn't realised that I never smiled because life wasn't for enjoying or relaxing it was all about work and responsibilities. I didn't realise that I was always in a rush trying to get to the next place, I never had time to stop and notice the flowers or the colour of the sky. I didn't realise that I was always worried about something and if I wasn't worried that I'd actually think of something to worry about! My mind had to be constantly buzzing with a million things and I could never sit still because that would be wasting time and that would never do . The dilemma was, that though my personality gave me great success in my work and other areas of my life , it was also making me very ill indeed.


As a result of my behaviour, I'd had a few run-ins with stress in the past , but over the last few years stress really started to become a problem for me . But the mind and body are really very clever . Even if you push as hard as me, you can still only go so far before THEY just say NO ! That's basically what happened  . I am now learning the hard way . Constantly pushing myself as I have always done has resulted in a total balance system breakdown - the fuse has blown! Stress has been the main cause of my Vertigo. Now I have no choice but  to wait until my body is ready for me to go again.


So ,now I need to use this time wisely to learn and to change  . And this was why I chose to write about my personality this week dear friends. Because even after going through all that I have for the last year , I'm sorry to tell you that I'm still falling into the same  A Type personality traps!  Just this week I have found myself putting myself under huge pressure to achieve things I know I can't, over promising things I can't deliver because I'm not well enough and just generally overdoing things. Ive read so many  books on how to slow down  , I meditate everyday , I'm on so much medication  it's a wonder I'm not asleep 24hrs a day as it is !!! yet still I can't seem to change or stop my initial response to things being typically Type A . When will I learn?


But I guess recognition is the first step to recovery, so hopefully the second will be change . I'll have to keep working on that one and maybe someday, if I'm really lucky,  I too will attain that Zen like state of enlightenment and peace of "no mind" that I long for so much !  And with that beautiful thought I will leave you dear friends for another week , till then go safely and go with love wherever you go and have an amazing week . Sur x