Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Memories Pressed Between The Pages Of My Mind.....

I’ve always found it fascinating how people’s tastes can vary so much. You like Spring I prefer Autumn, you’ll have white wine but I always have the red. Opinions, feelings, tastes we all have  a different perspective on so many things. Then there are memories. Haven’t you been to a party with someone and had a fantastic time ,only to find out the next day that they hated every minutes of it, so much so that you have to ask yourself  “ were you even at the same party ?!”
As I get older, I find myself looking back at my life, childhood especially, more and more. Not so long ago , I heard somewhere that our memories may not be our memories  at all , but rather a composite of some real memories, some stories we’ve heard, images we’ve seen in photographs, and some things that we’ve actually just made up ourselves! Therefore however we’ve come to acquire those memories, it’s not surprising that when two people sit and reminisce about their childhood, their recollections should be so very different.
The other day, my sister and I were fondly recollecting our experiences of childhood and the subject of how often we got smacked as kids came up! In this highly politically correct, ultra sanitised, antiseptic world of ours, it will no doubt shock some of you to hear we used to be kept on the straight and narrow in our house, with a sharp whack on the butt from our dads size 9 leather sandal! Though you may be forgiven for not seeing anything remotely “fond” about having ones butt whacked with a leather sandal, the reason I wanted to make this the subject for my blog this week was just that that conversation with my sister, made me realise that though she and I had grown up in exactly the same house, with same family, same values and same upbringing her memories and my memories were very different.
They would be, she and I are different people. She is the eldest child, I am a middle child and therefore we will naturally suffer from the “syndromes” that go with each of those respective  positions! But joking aside, my memories of being that child; second daughter ,one of four children, two boys ,two girls were mainly full of happiness and laughter whereas hers were more sombre and melancholy. Ive often asked myself why this is the case. Did my sister in fact HAVE a less happy childhood than me? Have I just invented a more idyllic one  because I chose to or did I actually experience a happier one?
I can certainly remember that as a child I was the one who was  always in trouble and constantly being  reminded by our mum  of how different I was from my sister. Mum would always compare us. She would praise my sister no-end  because  she could cook and sew and knit and speak to all the aunties and uncles really politely , whereas I together with my younger brother aka my partner in crime , would spend our days doing really  fun stuff like  washing the kitchen floor with a whole bottle of Fairy liquid ……. Loads-a-bubbles!!!!!
But as they say “with the sweet comes the bitter” – “after the bubbles comes the sandal!” And oh yes me and my brother had more sandal sessions than either of our other two siblings put together x10, but I’d do it all again and then some! Though at the exact time of “whacking”  I probably didn’t think it so much , I knew mum and dad were just teaching me a lesson and I dare say they probably had a laugh or two at mine and my brothers antics from time to time – maybe not right away though. And I think that was the key , I somehow knew even though mum and dad felt like pulling their hair out sometimes ,I was really loved and adored especially by my dad, and though it seems totally absurd even though I did get punished so many, many, many, more times than my sister I always felt really good about myself and really confident.
I have one very special memory of a  photograph that’s sadly been lost somewhere now, but it’s of me ,my sister and our lovely Grand dad. It was taken when I was about seven years old and my sister and I were both standing on either side of this towering 6 ft 3” giant  holding his huge hands. Just before the photo was taken, I  vividly recall thinking “ I don’t need to hold anyone’s hand !“ and so I let go of my Grand dads hand and I stood tall next to him, in my mind, I was standing next to my Grand dad shoulder to shoulder! That memory has never left me , though now I am an adult I often need to remind myself of  the strength I felt that day as a little girl with my Grand dad at my side.
So why do I  have more happy memories of childhood? I think it’s because I just concentrated on being ME rather pleasing others. I may have been in trouble a lot, I may not have done what my mum might have wanted me to do all the time. But at the end of the day,  I still learned how to cook and sew and knit and talk to aunties and uncles but in addition to all those things , I feel blessed to also have so many  precious memories of lots of wonderful things  like helping my Grand dad mix cement for a pathway he was building years ago or racing down the hill in front of our old house in Huddersfield on my sisters old tricycle at what seemed like 90 miles an hour ,with my brother standing on the back and feeling the wind on our faces  !
Therefore my message dear friends, especially to the young ones  is  - LIVE YOUR LIFE TO PLEASE YOURSELF NOT TO PLEASE OTHERS ! That way you will create lots of  happy memories too . Enjoy your life and then like me , you too will be able to sit back, examine your knees, look at your battle scars with glee and say boy did I have FUN getting these !!!!!


Listen to the song by Elvis Presley:
 Memories Pressed Between The Pages Of My Mind..... 

6 comments:

  1. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

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  2. your post today brought tears to my eyes

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  3. Dearest K Thank you for your Comments Im touched that you liked it and that you were moved by it Love Sur xx

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  4. Min thank you so much for your wise words and as always your continued support . Sur xxxx

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  5. This was a wonderful post. Tell my girls all the time to enjoy their childhood and not worry about what others say and think. (Sarbjit)

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  6. Dearest Sarbjit thank you so much for taking the time to read . Im so glad to hear that you are bringing your girls up with such a healthy mindset . It's so vital for us girls, especially, to be strong and really "know" how special we are while we are growing up because that way we can become the confident and self assured adults we should be . Love Sur XXX

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